Mirror

Mirror does not deceive,

Mirror does not lie,
Mirror does not tease...                                                                                                                                                  
Years after someone's pain
Showed me a mirror image,
A shadow of life
Of an innocent mind,
A novice heart,
A trusting soul....                                                                                                                                                        
And a cold current
Passed though the
Spinal cord....                                                                                                                                              

A memory lane revisited..
A lump got stuck in the throat....                                                                                                                  

A soul stood apart
And it's not his
It's not their's
It's mine
Fortunately or unfortunately it's mine...                                                                                                       

No one else can visualize
The shadow of an wound
Inflicted by our own loving folks
It's deep,it's deeper than
The deepest damage
Caused by someone unknown...                                                                                                              
You come,meet people
And give your
Sweat and blood,
Heart and soul
And have faith on them
Even beyond your imagination !
Everything seem lovely and joyful...
You promise ..
A Life time dedication for them all...                                                                                                            

And who knows
When your own,
Your so called very own
And lovely People put boundary
All Around your soul !
Start slandering your
Unmistakable faith on them
As a mindless immaturity,
Your care for them as a gimmick
Your sweat and blood
As brainless investment
And the gesture by them
Was enough.....
To kill the faith and break the heart and soul...                                                                                           

But you were confused..
The dismayed soul
Is shattered but
Not convinced.....                                                                                                                                      
How can this happen?
How can your rock solid faith
Being misinterpreted,
Misused and murdered
How can your faith and love
Be misunderstood and ignored???
How,how,how???                                                                                                                                      
No answer!!!                                                                                                                                              
You introspect,you think
You ponder,you ask yourself,

You request them, you beg
To just let you know once
Only once ..
Where did you go wrong...

How can your people..
Your own people
Can not understand you
Make some simple sense !!!
But....                                                                                                                                                          

To your utter surprise you
Found ..no one was even listening
Long back they all have gone....
In the dead of the darkness
With an unknown road ahead
You are left alone
Completely alone...
To fend for yourself
But with a dictum
'You have to walk the same road..'                                                                                                            
All your love being made a joke
All your sighs interpreted as smoke
And your silence taken
As your weakness
Your unmistakable faith
Became mockery
Your divine trust strangled
Your heart broke in pieces
But even could not dare to rattle
Your tears could not stop
But even then you could not
Dare to roll them down and wipe them up....                                                                                            
You had a volume to speak
You had a painful box to unfold
But you couldn't...
Because the world only
Listens what it wants.....
Your so called own ones had gone
And you standing on the road
If preferred to stop,
No one will take a breath
To feel your pain and
Will not leave a chance to laugh..                                                                                                               

A very painful moment
Even graver than seeing
Death in front
Where to go from here???
The road ahead is dark
The back doors are blocked
You are saddened,broken
But bound by your promises
To life and trust ....                                                                                                                                      

But like all dark nights
End in a day
Whether you could see or not
However painful it seem
Life always leaves a healing touch !                                                                                                            

That's the moment of
Immense pain to leave and go
Carrying some memory with you
And leaving the past in a box
For Time to unfold and unlock..
Because that was the divine call !                                                                                                               

Your own ,so called owns
Leave no stones unturned
To flood with sympathy and care
Promising every mending act
To bring you back on the track...
But You really really painfully laugh inside
And dismayingly ask
'If no one cared in life
Why the fiasco on my death?'....
But they insist on repair and repentance
Love and every goodness further..                                                                                                             

Shattered you silently sit and ask your soul
'Did I ever come here to gain?
Did I ever bargain with unmistakable love
Did I ever want a thing for me
Selling My integrity and soul ?'
I came here being called by them
To build a life of trust
Spent my heart and soul
And only wanted to
Plant a seed of faith,light a lamp for all..                                                                                                    
And the pain and ridicule I received
Are enough to take a call......                                                                                                                      

A silent departure was long overdue
And who can be more trustworthy than
"Time" to play it's role
People who called you yesterday God
Left no opportunity missed
To level you mad,
The letters of love and divine appreciation
In no time
Turned ruthless accusation...                                                                                                                      

And you could not even had the
Luck to explain...
Because they leveled the stamp on you
'For petty gains you moved on..'                                                                                                            
Painfully enough some people and relations
Were left behind but a lesson for life was learnt !                                                                                           

Today Witnessing the pain of 

Parting and moving                                                                                                                                 In In another soul...
Reminded me all...                                                                                                                                      

But you don't need to worry
Or stop ...
Just moving and thanking them
For being a part
Of life is all you need to do
And rest will be taken care of
By Time and God
The ultimate judge,,,.
And again the mirror
Will never lie even to those...

Mirror

Mirror does not deceive,

Mirror does not lie,
Mirror does not tease...                                                                                                                            
Years after someone's pain
Showed me a mirror image,
A shadow of life
Of an innocent mind,
A novice heart,
A trusting soul....                                                                                                                                      
And a cold current
Passed though the
Spinal cord....

A memory lane revisited..
A lump got stuck in the throat....                                                                                                                

A soul stood apart
And it's not his
It's not their's
It's mine
Fortunately or unfortunately it's mine

No one else can visualize
The shadow of an wound
Inflicted by our own loving folks
It's deep,it's deeper than
The deepest damage
Caused by someone unknown...                                                                                                              
You come,meet people
And give your
Sweat and blood,
Heart and soul
And have faith on them
Even beyond your imagination !
Everything seem lovely and joyful...
You promise ..
A Life time dedication for them all...                                                                                                         

And who knows
When your own,
Your so called very own
And lovely People put boundary
All Around your soul !
Start slandering your
Unmistakable faith on them
As a mindless immaturity,
Your care for them as a gimmick
Your sweat and blood
As brainless investment
And the gesture by them
Was enough.....
To kill the faith and break the heart and soul...                                                                                          

But you were confused..
The dismayed soul
Is shattered but
Not convinced.....                                                                                                                                    
How can this happen?
How can your rock solid faith
Being misinterpreted,
Misused and murdered
How can your faith and love
Be misunderstood and ignored???
How,how,how???                                                                                                                                      
No answer!!!                                                                                                                                            
You introspect,you think
You ponder,you ask yourself,

You request them, you beg
To just let you know once
Only once ..
Where did you go wrong...

How can your people..
Your own people
Can not understand you
Make some simple sense !!!
But....                                                                                                                                                          

To your utter surprise you
Found ..no one was even listening
Long back they all have gone....
In the dead of the darkness
With an unknown road ahead
You are left alone
Completely alone...
To fend for yourself
But with a dictum
'You have to walk the same road..'                                                                                                          
All your love being made a joke
All your sighs interpreted as smoke
And your silence taken
As your weakness
Your unmistakable faith
Became mockery
Your divine trust strangled
Your heart broke in pieces
But even could not dare to rattle
Your tears could not stop
But even then you could not
Dare to roll them down and wipe them up....                                                                                          
You had a volume to speak
You had a painful box to unfold
But you couldn't...
Because the world only
Listens what it wants.....
Your so called own ones had gone
And you standing on the road
If preferred to stop,
No one will take a breath
To feel your pain and
Will not leave a chance to laugh..                                                                                                              

A very painful moment
Even graver than seeing
Death in front
Where to go from here???
The road ahead is dark
The back doors are blocked
You are saddened,broken
But bound by your promises
To life and trust ....                                                                                                                                     

But like all dark nights
End in a day
Whether you could see or not
However painful it seem
Life always leaves a healing touch !                                                                                                          

That's the moment of
Immense pain to leave and go
Carrying some memory with you
And leaving the past in a box
For Time to unfold and unlock..
Because that was the divine call !                                                                                                              

Your own ,so called owns
Leave no stones unturned
To flood with sympathy and care
Promising every mending act
To bring you back on the track...
But You really really painfully laugh inside
And dismayingly ask
'If no one cared in life
Why the fiasco on my death?'....
But they insist on repair and repentance
Love and every goodness further..                                                                                                             

Shattered you silently sit and ask your soul
'Did I ever come here to gain?
Did I ever bargain with unmistakable love
Did I ever want a thing for me
Selling My integrity and soul ?'
I came here being called by them
To build a life of trust
Spent my heart and soul
And only wanted to
Plant a seed of faith,light a lamp for all..                                                                                                      
And the pain and ridicule I received
Are enough to take a call......                                                                                                                      

A silent departure was long overdue
And who can be more trustworthy than
"Time" to play it's role
People who called you yesterday God
Left no opportunity missed
To level you mad,
The letters of love and divine appreciation
In no time
Turned ruthless accusation...                                                                                                                      

And you could not even had the
Luck to explain...
Because they levelled the stamp on you
'For petty gains you moved on..'                                                                                                              
Painfully enough some people and relations
Were left behind but a lesson for life was learnt !                                                                                           

Today Witnessing the pain of 

Parting and moving                                                                                                                                 In another soul...
Reminded me all...                                                                                                                                     

But you don't need to worry
Or stop ...
Just moving and thanking them
For being a part
Of life is all you need to do
And rest will be taken care of
By Time and God
The ultimate judge,,,.
And again the mirror
Will never lie even to those...

Parting time...

To meet,to know
To love and to part
Is the sad story of
Many a human heart...

Said a great poet long time back...It reminds me a saga...less thought about... More judged and often misinterpreted... But at the end...it is between (him/her or) you and God..

It was never between (he/she and they or )you and they...

My thought goes...

Two little souls with loads of love in heart
And a handful of dreams on their lashes
With divine determination in mind
Paused on the road of life
Thought for a while
Deviated from the easy one
Often taken by a lot
Ventured on a path less travelled by
With empty hands but just a honest dream
To love and to live
To make the world around them
A little better place when they leave
Than ever they entered in
That was intended to take the risk
To take a Path less travelled by
And not to follow
where there is a path but
To create one and leave a trail...

The journey continued
A shorter on the outer world
But a much longer inside
A battle fought, fought more often with inner self
And make one better than( him/her) only your yesterday
Not competing the outer world...
A path less visualised
Less often walked
And still less followed
But worth dedicating a life...

Two good little souls
Often at this junction stumble
And fumble and become still

What went wrong ?

They stand and stare
Pause and recollect
Not easy to get a clue..

Is there anything wrong at all..?
All these hues and criers
And dissapontments and angers
Are the byproduct
Of the facts,both the souls are lovely
It is the expectations of
The world around
Nothing can go imbalance
Between two little thoughts
So beautifully woven
Looking like God's own creation
No one can ever part ways
To make a divine dream
Looking mortal like any other
Mundane one...

The welwishers wounded,
The thoughtfuls are shattered
All are right in their part

The friends lash and bash,
The intelectuals are eager to judge
The day and nights are filled
With passions and angers
Frustrations and sense of loss
Enthusiastics don't hesitate
To call their yesterday's God
A demon
Few friends turn foe
(He/She or) you
With your same beautiful heart
Firmly in place
More resolved than your yesterday
But not unlikely to get a overnight
Demotion from a hero to a villain
From a rescuer to an opportunist
From a divine power to a greedy bug

But that's probably not the crux of the matter
Nor the deepest wound in ones soul
The parting way is the cruelest of all
And the falling leaves from the faithful tree
Hurts most of all

This is a poignant moment
A moment to stare and ponder

Outer noise is there but will lose
Its echo as the dust settles down
The louder voices of frustration and fear
Will fade away in time's horizon
People will go back home
With their unhappiness on shoulder
But (he/she or) you will carry on
With life's ups and downs
The so called glorious moments
And the deepest sorrows you encounter
(He/she or )you have to march ahead
Drink the unthinkable pain of the departure
Can't look back or pause
Neither have the right to do so
Life has no rewinding technique
To go back and .....it goes on....

Life at this junction is more of a duty
And surely not a choice as depicted alike
By the critics and the bystanders and more so
As if (he/she or) you even don't
Deserve a thought of sympathy
Leave a hand of care

(He/she or) You are confused, hurt
Traumatized to the core
But what is the explanation
And who is the taker !

But( he/she or )you know the truth...
Someone sometime and someway
Had to bear the brunt

Because the journey started with
The two little souls and a small
But firm dream of building a block

Shattered is the soul
(He/she or) you...
People say imminent is the fall
And the story is over for all

But the truth is that
Even two little souls with a same goal
Can very well have the idea of two
Different roads to move
And as ' time 'at times gives the cruelest laugh at us
And decides ...
Can't walk hand in hand
And take the different road...

So someone will have to
Pull the trigger, take the blame on shoulder
And drink all the pain of parting
From the ones with whom
(He/she or) you dreamed to walk forever..

Parting is immensely painful
And more so when it happens
Between two selfless/divine soul..

But that's the half narration If at all
Of an eternal journey
With faith in the heart however heavy it may seem
And an Hope in the soul...

Long after the bitter memories are fade
The noises and whispers lost
The lonely nights are bombarded
With merciless questions to answer
Life goes on...
Everyone who judged you today
Will not even be visiting
The lost memory lane
The dusts that created storms
Will not even bother to be there..

And the judgement day will arrive
With only one witness of your own..
'Time to testify you,
Your vices and virtues
And translate the silent evening
And lonely night of the parting day
And your ultimate reward will
Neither come from critics or followers
Nor from the hell or heaven
But here and only here from God
Yours and their's ultimate judge...

And the story will end that day
And reveal it was never between
You and them
It was always between you and God...

Devotion...a way of life or an illusion...

Nachiketa asked his father, 'Father,whom are you giving me ?' His father did not reply.Again and again he asked till his father out of repeated irritation replied."I will give you to Yamraj'(God of death)...Says Kathopanishad...Read years back.

            Why am I writing on this? Like many contemporary believers not long ago I was also going to places of prayer,getting pooja at my home sometimes and standing in queques to deliver my prayer and an illusive coconut to offer... But a question came to mind 'Are these real devotion ?' Few years back we wanted to have Satyanarayan Pooja at my place as done in many households in Maharashtra and the person who had to come to do the pooja could not come and instead sent someone who was his colleague to do the pooja.The list of the things and necessities for the pooja (so called pooja samagri) as enlisted by the gentleman pujari was exhaustive.I used my logic and bought only the  necessities which seemed ethical even at that point.At the end of the pooja I marked that the so called poojari almost weighed the rice,the lentils,checked each bit of the clothes and was not looking happy at all and to say the least he never used any of those packets for any use in pooja! I further marked he packed everything leaving only the Sthapana place and the Satyanarayan photo for me to handle later.When I offered him the Dakshina 'He told,'Madam,what should I ask you,I am giving you some concession as I work in the department whom you serve as a doctor,but I charge for the hours I spend for the pooja'.Taking note of his devotion to God,I replied,'No pujariji,you can take your full charge and I do not need any concession ''and handed over to him few more 500 rupee notes to keep his devotion in right spirit..and decided not to fall prey to such devotional illusions in future..Started seeing God in every morning sun and evening star..There after never thought of ever needing any pooja...

                              Recently got the great fortune to understand the Indian spiritual and real concept of devotion and got the glimpse of the illusions we are surrounded with..Am going to elaborate further below.That made me to review and recollect Nachiketa's story in Kathopanishad..The story to flow first in nutshell for those who have not read it and as a metaphor for the ones who are aware of it..The story goes like this in brief.. 

                            When Gautam,father of Nachikata and the son of great  Vajashrava (who was famous for distributing food in charity) desirous of heaven performs a yajna named Viswajit and does intend to give away all that he possess,Nachiketa then a 9 year old child witnesses his father giving away  money to food to herd of cattle and he is not able to reach the sacred meaning of his father's actions.He is anxious that his father who is performing the yajna with desire should attain its fulfillment. But in his knowledge of shastras he knew that the sacrifice called Viswajita will be fully potent only when the performer sacrifices everything that he posseses.Kathopanishad translation says 'But somehow, due to some sense of attachment and delusory feeling of proprietorship,the old man has decided to make small compromise between injunctions of the shastras and his own promoted impulses' so thought Nachiketa in his immaturity. In this inner conflict of Vajashravas ,so clearly indicated by his external actions, Nachiketa reads a sure tragedy in store for his father in future. Being the great son and disciple of his father he thinks it is his primary duty to let his father attain heaven what he drsired and goes and asks his father..'Father,to whom will thou give me?" Initially the father ignores his question. But Nachiketa,the true seeker repeats and hearing the question third time ,from the father a harmless curse bursts out in disgust.. 'Unto Death do I give thee'..equivalent to any angry Englishman's 'Go to hell'!...

                        Matured soul as that of Nachiketa thinks , not actually sacrificing all his possessions, he is actually doing "adharma in the name of dharma'.Then he hints to his father that as we are born again and again , life must necessarily end after a period of existence and that,compared to the Endless Time,the life span of an individual ego living on this globe is but momentary.The general import suggested is that when life is so fleeting why should one stoop down to perpetrate Adharma, temped by one's own delusion and false attachment? Nachiketa comforting his father and persuading him to allow him to act up to the high ideals in which the true Aryans ever walked in the past,left his home and entered the domain of Death.There he arrived at the Portico of Death and the boy had to wait for three days and nights,since Lord Death was then 'out of station'.When Yamraj,the Lord of Death comes back home and sees a bhramana guest ( The word bhrahmana in this connection means not The one who has come to claim it as an accidental privilege of birth,but it means one who has the necessary cultural purity and mental and intellectual powers manifested in him as an individual) standing on his door  unfed for 3 days waiting to meet him,bows down to Nachiketa and asks for forgiveness and requests him to ask for any 3 boons he desires. As a matter of fact ,it is surprising that such a Godly Power as Lord Death Himself should bow down in modesty in front of his guest,a boy merely nine years old,and beg of him to pardon the host's inevitable lapses. Those were the days when governors themselves courageously step over their own laws ! So the principled soul,the great disciple Nachiketa who denounces all the worldly wealth and pleasure willingly being gifted to him by none other than Dharmaraj,the God of Death and want Him to bless with the knowledge to know 'what happens to the soul after death?..and finally passes all the tests given by God of Death..

That's what Kathopanishad elaborates further. On this background and metaphor now I want to discuss our contemporary understanding of devotion and what we generally practice is  merely an illusion and not true devotion I suppose.The analysis goes as follows...

  

                       In recent past a wealthy businessman ,a so called devotee of Mahavir prays 'O God,if my this 10000 crore businesses is successful I will build a marble temple for u'..What a misconception/misunderstanding/illusions he carries...Mahavir Jain ,such a liberated soul who had left his palace and dynasty for salvation and didn't even bother for a piece of cloth on his Body is offered a price of a marble temple in lieu of granting successful businesses..!!! The story repeats for Hindu,Muslim,Christian and many more faiths across. We the devotees of Vishnu,Maheshwar,Ram,Krishna, Mohammed, Christ,Sai Baba really really don't understand them and hardly follow the values they really symbolized and established on Earth and merely say we are so and so devotee and never leave a chance to go round and round their so called dwelling places and beg what not.. and allure/ bribe a coconut,, a flower basket,a fire sacrifice ,feed 10 undeserving people and donate Gold,silver,Diamond , currency and what not as if Ram went 14 years to Jungle not to establish the devotion of a son to father,love for his brothers and no attachment to the kingdom or be the king..and we fight and bribe to get undue favour from him..what a loss of path !! So also for Krishna,who in each step guarded Dharma,the right path and action and smilingly accepted Gandhari's curse to lose his family.. So also Neelakantha Shiva gulped the poison unhindered and Mohd everyday smiled at the old lady throwing garbage on him.Christ,the divine soul as he was,prays for forgiveness for the perpetrators putting him on the cross and Nanak ,when his father sends him to the field was so kind to think at the age of 7 that the bird and the field both are God's creation and who am I to drive the bird away from eating the wheat?..And when most of our contemporary devotion plays role,it is nothing beyond seeking good material fortune or not to have to face any trouble without any appropriate karma and bribing our so called Gods or ideals in life.. We may intend to allure and bribe the great enlightened souls anything material which infact none belongs to us but we will not take an iota of efforts to follow their footsteps...What a tragic and ironical misinterpretation of devotion !!! 

          God or any enlightened soul to my small little mind is nothing but goodness,truth,justice and divine karma...and if we plant an apple tree sooner or later,in this life or that life the fruit is going to be an apple and never a neem and the vice versa.And who can we depend more than the creater,the nature,the God whatever we may wish it to name ,to give us justice than Him? This is just our illusion to please Him in our own way and ask for favours in return. I think we only can surrender if at all as humans and rest justice will surely follow in its own time,place,pace and way.. And He will surely grant us what we need really may not be what we desire and misinterprete.That's the Divine power..I believe.. And devotion is best lived as a way of life .... God bless one and all...